My name is Iris, and I am from Chicago, USA. When I turned 31, I knew it was time. I had always wanted to be a mother and I was ready to start that chapter of my life. What I did not know yet was just how much that chapter was going to ask of me — and how much it was going to give me in return.
Conceiving naturally did not happen for me. So I turned to IVF and began what would become a fifteen month journey that changed me completely.
Fifteen months. Eight egg retrievals. If you have never been through IVF I want to try to explain what that actually feels like — because from the outside it can seem like a straightforward process. You do the treatment, you get pregnant. But it is not like that at all. It is more like a gamble. Some retrievals go well and you walk out feeling hopeful. Others leave you with nothing — not a single egg, not a single step forward — and you have to somehow find the strength to come back and try again. I watched so many women online who seemed to have one retrieval and one transfer and a positive test and I went in believing my story would look the same. It did not. And that was a wake-up call I really needed — because every single body is different, every single story is different, and no amount of research or following other people’s journeys can prepare you for your own.
I want to be honest about something. I hated needles. I hated clinics. I was terrified going into this process because it was completely unknown to me and unknown things scared me. But somewhere over those fifteen months, something shifted. I stopped being afraid. By the end of it I felt like a pro — walking in, knowing exactly what was coming, handling it. IVF made me braver than I ever thought I could be.
The mental side of it was just as big as the physical. I made a decision early on that my mental health was going to be a priority — not an afterthought. I kept talking about what I was going through. I kept working. I kept seeing friends. I kept moving my body when I was allowed to. I kept making ceramics — pottery is my thing and I would just lose myself in it on the hard days. I refused to isolate myself or let the process swallow my whole life. The community I found online — women going through exactly the same thing, documenting their own journeys — was something I did not expect to need as much as I did. There is a particular kind of connection you feel with someone who truly understands. It is different from anything else.
The hardest part was managing my own inner voice. Not speaking badly to myself after a bad cycle. Not collapsing when I saw another pregnancy announcement. It is so easy to go to dark places when you are trying so hard for something so important. But I learned to acknowledge what I was feeling and then do something about it — reach out, create something, move, talk. Feel it and then keep going.
And then came my embryo transfer. My first one. After everything I had been through to get there — all the needles, all the appointments, all the up and down and up again — I walked in feeling something I did not expect. Calm. Something deep in me just knew. I remember after the transfer going for a long walk and thinking about every single step that had led me to that moment. Ten days later I was pregnant.
My son Romii is one year old now. He just started walking. He laughs and smiles and follows me around the house like a little shadow and every single day I look at him and feel it — the gratitude, the joy, the disbelief that this little person is mine. I did not lose myself through any of this. If anything I found more of myself. I evolved.
If you are about to go through IVF or are already in the middle of it I want to tell you something. Ask every question — there is no such thing as a silly one. Understand what you are putting in your body and why. Take breaks when you need them. Rest. Keep living your life. Find your community because I promise you it exists. And know that IVF has been around for a long time. Trust the process. You will get through this.
I am grateful. Deeply, genuinely grateful. Not everyone has access to IVF — it is expensive and it is hard and I do not take it for granted for a single second. But having Romii as the result of every injection, every appointment, every moment of uncertainty — I would not change a thing. It made me the woman and the mother I am today.
From my heart, Iris
@Iris thank you for sharing your story. Your journey teaches us that even in the waiting, the setbacks, and the unknown, strength is being built quietly — and life can still lead us somewhere deeply, unexpectedly beautiful.
