My name is Mariah, and I call Hollywood, Florida home — though my heart has lived across seven countries in Latin America and the Caribbean. That spirit of moving through hard things and finding a way forward has followed me through every step of what has been the most difficult season of my life.
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for three years now. And I want to be honest about what those three years have looked like — because I know I am not the only one experiencing fertility challenges.
The very first month we tried, we got pregnant. And then lost it. The second month, we got pregnant again. And lost it again. A few months later, it happened a third time — this one ending in a natural pregnancy loss at home. Three losses in one year. I was absolutely not okay. Pregnancy losses and fertility challenges can make you feel completely not okay — and that is a normal and natural reaction to something so biological, so intense and so important. Those losses broke me in ways that are still hard to put into words, although I have truly come out the other side.
After some time had passed and I had started to slowly find my footing again, we made the decision to move to IVF. We wanted to be able to test our embryos and give ourselves the best possible chance. The first round came back with no normal embryos. The second — again no normal embryos, and one inconclusive result. By the third round we were making every decision with such care, freezing embryos at day 3 and day 5, trying every angle we could. I am about to turn 41 and we are now preparing for what may be our final egg retrieval. Every step costs something — physically, emotionally, financially and in our relationship.
Because this journey does not just affect your body. It gets into everything. Over the past three years I have worked with more than 20 doctors, done hundreds of tests, hundreds of injections and blood draws, gone through multiple procedures and made lifestyle changes I never imagined. My husband and I have faced real differences in how we each want to approach this — what feels right, what feels like too much, how to keep moving forward when you do not always agree. We go to therapy. We keep showing up. But I will not pretend it has been easy, because it has not.
And for a long time I felt completely alone in all of it. My mom was there. My husband was there. But even the people closest to me could not fully understand what this felt like from the inside. No one around me was going through the same thing. That loneliness was one of the hardest parts of the whole journey.
But that loneliness is also what eventually gave me a purpose I had been waiting for. I started Fertility Support Now — a business built around fertility support, coaching and education — because I never want another woman to feel the way I felt in those early years. I have a Masters in Social Work and a background in reproductive health, and I have the tools to help. But more than anything, I simply knew what it felt like to be invisible in your own grief and confusion — and I was not willing to let that be someone else’s story too.
Now I have friends who truly understand. I go to monthly fertility meetups. I have found my people. It took time and it took work, but finding them changed everything. I want every woman reading this to know — your people are out there. If you do not know where to start, please reach out to me. I have been exactly where you are and I have so many resources and ideas I would love to share.
What I have learned through all of this is that my desire to become a mother is one of the most deep and real things I have ever felt. I have also discovered a capacity for strength I never knew existed in me. I am capable of so much more than I ever imagined — and I believe you are too.
The things that keep me going on the hardest days are simple but they matter. My husband. My plants and animals. Nature. Dancing. Writing. The beach. And the women I get to walk alongside on their own journeys. Those are my anchors.
My mental health took a real hit through all of this — for about a year and a half I was living with intense anxiety and depression. What pulled me through was deciding to make my own happiness a real priority, not just something I would get to eventually. Therapy helped enormously. So did community, knowledge, expressing myself, music, moving my body and keeping my focus on gratitude. All of it together, slowly, over time.
And one thing I wish more people talked about — fertility challenges and treatments can completely change your intimate life as a couple. It can start to feel clinical and scheduled and nothing like it used to. I want you to know that does not mean it is gone forever. It is a season. Like so much of this.
If you are somewhere in the middle of this right now, here is what I want you to hold onto. Take care of your mental health just as much as your physical health. Ask for support. Let go of the timeline you have in your head. Fight for yourself in every doctor’s office because you and your future are worth it. Do not lose yourself or your relationship in this for too long. Find your people. Feel everything you need to feel. And trust that your story is still unfolding — even when it makes no sense right now.
You are not alone. And you never have to be.
With love, purpose and everything I have to share and give, Mariah
@Mariah, thank you for letting us into your journey — one that shows us that purpose can grow out of even the most painful places.
