My name is Anete Zarina and I am from Latvia.
Okay, so this is hard for me to talk about, but I really want to share this with you.
We tried for four years. Four. Whole. Years. And let me tell you, by the end of it I was a mess. The doctors basically told us it wasn’t gonna happen naturally – I have PCOS and everything’s just… complicated. My husband had issues too. We were that couple that everyone felt sorry for, you know? And I became that person I never thought I’d be – jealous of pregnant strangers at the grocery store. I started avoiding baby showers because I couldn’t fake being happy anymore. I felt terrible about being so bitter, but I just couldn’t help it.
We had just bought our first house and were completely broke. Like, eating ramen for dinner broke. I remember looking at IVF prices and just laughing because it was so impossible. Finally, we had the courage to ask my parents for help and without hesitation they said yes. I’ll never forget my mom saying ‘we’ve been waiting for you to ask – we just didn’t want to overstep.’
The first round failed. I felt like such a failure. Like we wasted their money and their faith in us. I couldn’t even look at them for weeks because I was so ashamed. A couple months later, my best friend basically yeeted me out of my routine for the weekend. She was like ‘we’re going away and we’re NOT talking about babies or doctors or any of it.’ We went hiking, stayed up way too late talking about random stuff, ate junk food. I actually had fun for the first time in forever.
About three weeks after we got back, I was running super late for work and suddenly felt like I was gonna throw up everywhere. I almost didn’t take a test because I’d been disappointed so many times, but something made me do it.
Two lines. I stared at that thing for like ten minutes. Then I started crying and screaming for my husband. He came running up the stairs thinking something was wrong, and when I showed him the test he started crying too. I called in sick to work that day because there was no way I could focus on anything else. I spent the whole day calling my parents, my friends, everyone – I couldn’t keep it in.
My little girl Ieva is five now and she has no idea she’s basically a miracle baby. Well, they’re all miracles, but you know what I mean.
I just want anyone going through this to know – it’s okay to be angry. It’s okay to cry in when you see the baby clothes. It’s okay to feel broken. But please don’t lose hope. Your story might be totally different from mine, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be beautiful.
Also, stop listening to people who say ‘just relax and it’ll happen.’ That’s not how any of this works and they need to mind their own business.
Love, Aneta!
@Anete, thank you for opening up about your journey — a reminder that asking for help is not failure. It is the bravest thing you can do when you have nothing left.
