Motherhood is more about us as moms than it is about our kids. It’s a calling, not just a job, and after decades of life lessons, I truly realized this during my pregnancy at age 41. Children aren’t things we “fit into” our schedules – they’re gifts, and we’re here to guide them on their journey.
Too many women enter motherhood unconsciously, not fully aware of how they will show up for their children. For me, while most moms-to-be were planning out nursery colors and names, I focused on how I could show up as a conscious mother. I didn’t want to parent on autopilot, unconsciously repeating patterns I had learned growing up. Being a conscious parent means understanding that our children are not our property, but a gift we guide with empathy, emotional intelligence, and open communication. It requires a lot of self-awareness and a willingness to heal our own childhood wounds before we can truly show up for our children.
I grew up in a dysfunctional home where my emotional needs weren’t met, and I didn’t realize the long-term impact of that until later in life. My parents divorced after 30 years of marriage, staying together for us kids, which was toxic. My dad, a doctor, prioritized work over family, while my mom, though always present, tolerated his physical, mental, and emotional abuse. I witnessed years of silence and avoidance between them, including my father giving me the silent treatment for two full years. These experiences left me with a distorted view of love, relationships, and how to manage emotions.
Healing and reparenting myself became a priority when I became a mother. I knew I didn’t want to pass on those unhealthy patterns to my son. It’s been a journey, and at 51, I’m still uncovering generational patterns and learning healthier ways to live. I didn’t learn how to process emotions, set boundaries, or handle relationships in a healthy way until my 40s. And I’ve seen similar stories in my clients too. Most people don’t realize the depth of childhood trauma until adulthood, and it affects so much more than we realize – from relationships to chronic illness.
What I’ve learned is that trauma doesn’t just come from extreme events like abuse or war. It can stem from things like emotional neglect, parents not being present, or children’s feelings being ignored. This type of trauma impacts health and life long after the event has passed. But the good news is, it can be healed. When we work on ourselves and reparent our inner child, we can break toxic cycles.
As a holistic health practitioner, I’ve seen firsthand how addressing childhood trauma can improve not just emotional well-being, but physical health too. In my own life, it wasn’t until I began looking inward and doing the hard emotional work that I saw real healing. I offer services that help people uncover these deep-seated patterns and improve their lives, and I’ve watched countless clients experience profound healing.
The way we parent directly impacts our children. How we handle stress, emotions, and communication shapes how they will learn to do the same. If we haven’t addressed our own unresolved traumas, our children will learn from our reactions and coping mechanisms. That’s why conscious parenting is so important. If we want to change the next generation, it starts with us.
Before I became a mom, I spent time reflecting on how my relationship with my own parents shaped my view of the world and my emotional health. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. If I had stayed defensive about my childhood or ignored the patterns I had learned, I wouldn’t have been able to show up for my son in the way I wanted. As parents, we all have the opportunity to explore and heal the wounds of our past so we can create healthier, more conscious relationships with our children. It’s never too late to break the cycle. Your body, your emotions, and your choices have the power to change everything.
If you’re interested in learning more about my services or lab testing, feel free to reach out to me via email at nicole@nicolemoneer.com – I’d be happy to help!
With love and healing,
Nicole Moneer @lifestyle360bynicolemoneer
@Nicole, thank you for sharing your story that reminds us the most powerful gift we can give our children is the work we do on ourselves first.
