My name is Lotte, and I’m from Ghent, Belgium.
Before I became a mother, my career was a huge part of who I was. I worked in international communications for years, travelled a lot, managed teams, and genuinely loved what I did. I worked hard to get where I was, and I always imagined I would return after maternity leave.
Life had other plans.
Our twin girls, Noor and Lena, arrived six weeks early after an emergency C-section. One minute I was still pregnant, and the next I was lying in recovery while both of my babies were in the NICU. Nothing prepares you for that. Those first weeks felt like survival mode. Every day seemed to blend into the next.
When my maternity leave was coming to an end, my husband and I spent many evenings talking about what to do. We looked at the numbers again and again. Childcare for twins would take such a large part of my salary that, financially, it barely made sense for me to return. My husband has always been the provider in our family, and together we decided that, for now, I would stay home.
It wasn’t an easy decision.
I wasn’t just leaving a job. I felt like I was leaving behind a part of myself.
What I didn’t realise at the time was how much I was struggling mentally. Looking back, I can see the signs more clearly, but back then I just thought I wasn’t coping as well as everyone else. Eventually, I was diagnosed with postpartum anxiety, and starting therapy was one of the hardest but best decisions I’ve ever made.
The hardest part wasn’t only the babies.
It was everything else that changed around us.
My husband was working longer hours because we were now relying on one income. He would come home exhausted from carrying the financial pressure, and I would hand him two crying babies after carrying everything at home all day. Neither of us had much left to give. We weren’t arguing because we didn’t love each other. We were arguing because we were both completely drained.
Sometimes we would snap over something small, like whose turn it was to wash bottles or who forgot to buy nappies. Looking back, it was never really about the bottles. We were both running on empty.
People often ask if having twins is twice the fun.
Honestly, in the beginning, it felt like four times the work.
Two babies needing feeding. Two babies crying at different times. Trying to get them both to nap while somehow remembering to eat something yourself. Some evenings I would realise I hadn’t sat down all day. Other days, I’d finally get them asleep, walk into the kitchen, see the pile of dishes, and just cry because I couldn’t face another thing.
I missed work more than I expected. Not because I didn’t love my daughters, but because I missed feeling capable. At work, I knew what I was doing. At home, I constantly questioned myself.
But then there were moments that made everything stop.
Noor falling asleep on my chest while Lena reached over and grabbed her sister’s tiny hand. The first time they really noticed each other and burst into giggles. Watching their personalities grow and seeing how different they already were. Those are the moments that stay with me.
Motherhood has humbled me in ways I never expected. I’ve learned that not every day needs to be productive to matter. I’ve learned that asking for help doesn’t mean I’m failing. Some seasons of life are simply about getting through the day, and that’s okay.
My husband and I are in a much better place now, but we had to work for it. We had to learn to stop keeping score, remember that we were on the same team, and give each other grace on the days when neither of us had much left.
I still don’t know exactly what my professional future looks like. Maybe I’ll return to my old career one day. Maybe I’ll do something completely different.
For now, my days are filled with toddler laughter, endless laundry, cold cups of coffee, and two little girls who still reach for me when they need comfort.
It’s messy, and it’s exhausting. But when I look at my two girls, I know I wouldn’t trade this life for anything.
One day at a time, Lotte
@Lotte, thank you for trusting us with your story. The honesty you shared about becoming a mother to twins, the challenges you faced, and finding your way through such a difficult season is truly meaningful.
