My name is Joanna, and I am from New York, USA. My path to motherhood has been one of the most complicated and humbling journeys of my life — but it has also been one of the most transformative.
Before fertility treatments even entered the picture, I had already learned something about resilience. At 18 I was diagnosed with cancer and had my thyroid removed. That experience taught me early on that life is precious and that every single day is a gift. I carry that with me still — even on the hardest days of this journey, somewhere underneath all of it, there is gratitude just for being here.
When my husband and I started trying to have a baby, we quickly found out that the road would not be straightforward. I was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve, PCOS, endometriosis and scarring of my uterine lining. The diagnoses came one after another, and for a long time I felt like my body was a mystery even to the doctors trying to help me.
What frustrated me most was how long it took for anyone to take the scarring seriously. In 2022 an HSG showed scarring in my uterus and not one of the doctors I saw — two different reproductive endocrinologists and my OBGYN — was concerned enough to act on it. I felt dismissed. I felt like something was being missed. So I did what I had to do — I kept pushing until I found a surgeon who would actually address the endometriosis and the scar tissue. That experience became one of the most important lessons of this whole journey: if something feels off, keep advocating. Someone will eventually take you seriously.
We tried for a long time before moving to IVF. Medicated cycles with timed intercourse. Three IUIs. None of it worked. Then came five egg retrievals — and not a single blastocyst. Two — day three transfers. Both failed. Every round felt like pouring everything we had into something and watching it come to nothing.
Eventually we made the decision to move to donor eggs. It was not easy to get there emotionally, but it opened a door we had not expected. We retrieved ten donor eggs and got four healthy embryos. We transferred a 4AA euploid — as close to perfect as it gets on paper. And it failed. I still do not fully have the words for how that felt.
Through all of this, shame was one of the heaviest things I carried. For a long time I felt ashamed that my body was not doing what it was supposed to do. I felt guilty that I could not give my husband a child easily. And then slowly, through community and through therapy, I began to understand that this was not something I did wrong. It was biology. It was science. And my husband — my rock through every single step of this — loved me the same way through all of it.
My mental health actually surprised me during this process. I had been on SSRIs for years and came off them for treatment. It was hard. But I found somatic therapy and it was genuinely life changing. Combined with daily exercise, guided meditations from YouTube and a weekly fertility support group, I found ways to stay grounded. The group especially has given me something I did not know I needed — hope, reassurance and the kind of strength that only comes from being truly seen by people who understand.
I also did something else during this time that I want to talk about because not enough people do — I lost 120 pounds. Not because of fertility treatments, but through consistent effort, calories in and calories out. I want to be clear about that because there is a misconception that fertility treatments automatically cause weight gain. They did not for me. One small regain during my last failed FET — but the rest was my own work and I am proud of it.
What I know now, after everything, is that I am stronger than I ever gave myself credit for. And that finding your people changes everything. The women in my support group, the community I have built around this journey — they have given me more than I can say.
If you are somewhere in the middle of your own journey right now, here is the one thing I want to leave you with. Love yourself above all else. Not when it is over. Not when you finally have what you are hoping for. Right now. In the middle of the mess and the waiting and the grief. Love yourself now.
With love for myself, even here in the middle of it all, Joanna
@Joanna, thank you for sharing your story while still carrying so much — a canceled cycle, a new beginning and a heart that keeps choosing hope anyway.
